AUB Crushes: Why It’s a Terrible Idea

If you’re studying at the American University of Beirut with me, there’s a very good chance you’ve had the misfortune of discovering this Facebook page called “AUB Crushes”. As the name implies, the page serves as an outlet for students to anonymously post their thoughts about the object(s) of their desire (I myself was a victim of this monstrosity). At first glance it seems like a cute and fun little way to boost someone’s confidence and hook people up. But allow me to play devil’s advocate and tell you why the costs outweigh the benefits.

1) I’m going to start with the notion of confidence-building. Sure, finding out that someone’s got the hots for you provides a much-needed and well-deserved ego boost, but it could just as easily shatter one’s self-esteem. How, you may ask? Well, if you happened to overlook the first paragraph, you’d realize that you missed an important little detail: the page is anonymous: ANYONE can make that post about you that showcases your hidden talents of successfully flirting with snakes and banking on horse races just by wearing your lucky pair of boxers. If that’s the case, then why would you want anyone to know that? Chances are that the person who requested that post was a good friend of yours just messing around. You’d be surprised as to how insecure people can be with these things, especially those who’ve never had much experience in this trade, which brings me back to the point of this paragraph: just as these little statuses can make you feel good, so they can make you feel like shit.

2) A friend of mine put it this way in a wittily eloquent status he posted today:
“Bro! How’d you meet your girlfriend?
Well, it all started when I wrote this post on aub crushes
Said no one ever…”. So somebody posted about how sexy you looked in that $30 trashbag that brings out the starving artist in you. Bet you really feel loved now, eh? If somebody felt that way and really meant it they’d straight-up tell you to your face, in which case a brief conversation would follow, then a date or two, and then the story tells itself from there (depending on how charming or repulsive *coughyourstrulycough* you are on said dates). Point is, stuff like this sissifies (if that isn’t a word, it is now and I hereby copyright it) us and prevents us from taking the initiative in finding a date. Which brings me to the next point…

3)…and back to school. This is an example of what I like to call the “schoolgirl” culture, whereby notes are passed, rumors are spread, and people giggle like prepubescent apes at how Jim has a crush on May and the horrified looks on their faces when they find out they’ve been had. We’ve all gotten past those ridiculous little habits that pretty much scarred our childhood and helped make school all the more  unbearable.

People reading this who know me will say, “Oh, come on, Alex! Quit being such a cynical prick!” Yes, I am very cynical and while I don’t wear that badge with pride, I still bear it and act as such because I just am. If you have a reasonable argument as to why all of what I just posted holds no weight and falls flat on its face, feel free to say so. Until then,

Y’all take care now


About optimistthepessimist

Always in transit.
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