Now That All’s Said and Done, Now What?

So yesterday saw two interesting events unfold: my 21st birthday, and my last exam as an undergraduate. Fun was had with good company (even though I was sober throughout the day, despite me consuming a good amount of booze), and things were going well until the evening: while at a friend’s birthday celebration (one of many, as she is a fellow eccentric after my heart), I sat down and started to think. It then dawned on me that things were gonna get a lot rougher from here: I’m now an adult in the United States (my country of birth), I’m several thousand dollars in debt, and would be going back to virtual f*ck-all in the States. That and personal issues, plus hunger, put me in a rather blue state for the better part of the evening, despite me grinning and bearing it. Fortunately, it was nothing a chat with a friend later that evening couldn’t fix.

So yeah. Here I am, among the current generation of young and well-educated college students who are left to their own ministries while being forced to make their own in an increasingly cruel and unforgiving world, armed with whatever we learned in these three or four years, the experiences we’ve had, and the connections (if any) that we’ve made in hopes of making things easier for the long run. Despite all that, it’s still a scary situation that gets me quivering every time I think about it. The only upside I can see: I’m not alone in this.

But there’s more. Now that I have nothing left to study and a decently-paced summer ahead of me, I can do what I want and catch up on activities and other things I’ve been meaning to all this time. Sure, I’m also gonna be working before I head to grad school, but at least the time I’ll make for my past-times will be more than before. As for my crippling debt and heading back to nothing: yeah, shit sucks, but it could’ve been so much worse compared to others in my situation; yeah, I don’t have any friends in the States anymore and things turned extra sour for the family  and the U.S. as a whole as of late, but hey, there’s still some opportunity to be had in the good ol’ U.S.A. 

Sure, I’m scared of what’s to come and could easily huddle into a hidey-hole and wish it all away as is the easy way. But f*ck that. I like a challenge. They say twenty-one’s a golden age? Things don’t look to pretty from where I’m standing right now, but I reckon it’s time to get crackin’ if I’m gonna have a decent time in the coming years. Plus, there’s only so much can be done right now, so who knows where me or whoever reading this will end up?

Well, that felt good getting it off chest. Time to get back to my good ol’ guitar and f*cking around in general.

Y’all take care now


About optimistthepessimist

Always in transit.
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